“The sun never sets on the British Empire,” goes one version of the old adage however, one has to point out that perhaps the world is suffering from some Empire-induced photo-sensitivity.

“They spread their nasty flag all over the highlands after centuries of resisting! And then, to make matters worse, once we were totally dependent on that Union Jack, they made us help them push their filthy borders around the world!” Scotland has perhaps had the longest darkest history with the English. “Buncha douche-flags, if you ask us.”

“One day there was a flag and then there were more. The flags started spreading all over from Suryapur to Nepal,” said India of the local British seizures. “We got majorly Union-Jacked. It’s like they could not stop themselves. It was sad.”

“They were the worst pushers and peddlers of poison,” China reported. “We kept their flags mostly off to the coast, but they threatened us with flags until we had to buy their stupid opium. Those flag-holes.”

Also, the world community has begun to see a disappointing trend from America, a country thought at first to have been a victim of the Union Jack, having achieved a rare quitting of the same, has turned out to be itself a pusher of flags and borders. The American brand of flag-pushing is known as “Manifest Destiny” –a poetic name that spells doom for independence of many an aboriginal peoples’ sovereignty. “It was a bad deal. They are basically English,” the Great Sioux Nation reflected on the subject of their “neighbor” America. The Kingdom of Hawaii nodded in agreement, adding, “Star-spangled self-spankers.”

The news isn’t all bad: some neighbors have resisted the spread of the English vexillomania. “This is your flag. This is your flag under English control.” Ireland’s anti-Britain, anti-English campaign has managed to keep impressionable counties out of the flag den that is the UK (except that northern bit of the island).

“France will never fall to those limey derrieres! They may have halted our flag’s spread but Napoleon was complicated and we admit that he had a flag problem.” France declined comment on Agincourt.

Maybe someday, this world community flag problem will be abated, but for now, the English are urged to consider the concerned, semaphore signals being sent their way. For the moment, the world at large appears to agree with protesters from the extremely Liberal Eastborough Baptist Church: “God hates flags.”

So remember, friends, if you see the English or even the American flag creeping towards your borders, “Just say GO!”