by Penny Farthington, Galactic Transtemporal Press in association with BBC Googleplex
DISCLAIMER: By reading this article, you take upon yourself the risk that your delicate sensibilities will be offended by the content or language. Please sit down if you are at risk of fainting. You have been warned.
You read that headline correctly, dear readers: the ever intrepid Aether Brigade reports resounding victory over a local pirate fleet based in the Gold Butte area, infamous pirate captain, Captain Jacque Hammer and the crew of the Moaning Dutchman (and the somewhat smaller vessel of the pirate airship fleet, the Greased Gerbil).
“It seems that our efforts to quell piracy in the region have encouraged Monsieur Hammer to pursue his true dream in life,” said Lady Elisabeth Dashwood of the Aether Brigade in an interview. “Aethertech Industries, our enterprising sponsors, have hired him as a chocolatier.”
“That is indeed correct, milady,” agreed Captain Lucky Peddyord, commanding officer of the Aether Brigade. “[Captain Jacque Hammer] is content to put away his long tom cannons and now packs fudge in the vicinity of San Francisco. You are welcome!”
This victory follows the 2015 Biggest Little Steampunk Expo in Reno, Nevada. This reporter noted during the interview that the Aether Brigade commended High Desert Steam for an outstanding event all around. “We had so much fun, we’re taking the Time Ship Simultaneous back so we can do it all over again,” smiled Sergeant Quintus Emanuel Washington.
Cabin Boy Doctor Sir Thomas “Silent Tom” Hackney III, MD, PhD had this to say: “I would particularly like to state how impressive the silent auction was, but there are simply no words.”
“Not enough explosions, in my opine.” Toppy, the pilot of the Time Ship Simultaneous glowered but then seemed to perk up as she added, “Don’t you worry! I’ll fix it next year!” Mr. Henry Hawthorne, Esq. the ship’s legal representative also noted that, “The Tavern Stroll was a liberating experience for all who attended. I feel I speak not just for myself when I say that I felt like a caterpillar, and at the stroll discovered my inner butterfly.” And in this reporter’s opinion the crew did look lovely impersonating said butterflies: the very picture of inebriated grace.
The Aether Brigade can be found Mastering Ceremonies at the 5th Annual Victorian Steampunk Ball in Viginia City on September 19th, 2015. If you go to Virginia City, don’t miss the Paint and Sip with Toppy.
The Aether Brigade also warns that even though the Butte Pirate has retired for now, there is expected to be a great many airship pirates, sub-marine buccaneers and trans-temporal privateers, so one had best be prepared to repel them or at least disguise oneself as a swashbuckler in order to blend. Corporal Wilhelmina Lowe of the Aether Brigade had one last suggestion on the subject, “An eyepatch and a parrot should do it. I can chop of your legs if you like; I think Aethertech Industries is running a special on peglegs: Buy one, get a second free!”